It’s been a while since I wrote anything here. I just haven’t had anything that I wanted to share. I’ve just been doing whatever needed to be done in order to get through the last few weeks and trust me when I tell you that it would make very boring, very repetitive reading.
I kind of knew this year would be a bit of a write-off in one sense. I cannot commit to anything as I’m still in the process of grieving and finding myself again – or rather finding out who I am now – so I haven’t really moved forward much. But in other ways this has also been one of the most important years of my life, discovering so much about myself and my family. I guess it’s been more like a foundation year rather than a building year so far. With that in mind I’ve decided to let go of all the projects I’ve been trying to juggle and go back (yet again) to basics. I’ve decided to use what is left of 2014 to have a bit of a life laundry.
Ever since my brother died and we had to deal with all his possessions (a job still way off finished) my own possessions have been weighing heavily on my mind. I don’t even use, want or need the majority of them. Not only have I been feeling more and more encumbered by them, but as maudlin as it sounds, I can’t bear the thought of my loved ones having to even pack up my stuff, let alone decide what the hell to do with it all should anything happen to me – there’s just so much of it (and ALL OF IT unimportant to me) it would take them ages.
I’d decided not to tackle the issue earlier, as I’d read that after someone dies you should avoid making drastic decisions and changes as you just can’t trust your emotional responses, but now I’m definitely ready pave the way to beginning again. I cannot tell you how much stuff I’ve given away and recycled in the last couple of weeks and that’s only from the studio, I still have the rest of my rooms to go through. I’ve sorted boxes that have never been unpacked in years, they’ve just been moved from house to house unopened and unused. I don’t know how or why I’ve accumulated so much, as material possessions have never really meant anything to me.
It sounds stupid but as each box has been sent to the charity shop and each bag has gone to the recycling centre I’ve felt a little lighter and felt I have created the room I need to breathe more deeply. I keep being reminded of that Thoreau quote “As you simplify your life, the laws of the universe will be simpler…” I long for a simpler life, a simpler relationship with the universe and a much, much quieter mind. Everything has been so complex, confusing and noisy recently.
I’ve got a way to go but I read (briefly) about the one percent principle, basically breaking any task down into small chunks and nibbling away at it regularly. As I tackle another boring cupboard, another tedious box, another random drawer I keep in mind what it is I want to get out of this exercise: I want to wipe the slate clean, I don’t want anything to drag me back to my old life, I want to get some structure back, I want to tie up the loose ends, I want the chance of a better future, I want to start again from scratch… AND (you will love this one) I want to stop bleating on about my life and get on with living it!